be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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