Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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