I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
