And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
