I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
