Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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