That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
