i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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