eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
