Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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