i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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