They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
