Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
