"it" just moved
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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