I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So vagazzling was a success
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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