what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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