I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
