So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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