I bet he comes in French.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
