I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
