I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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