i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
