i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
