I heard we made out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My vagina just clenched in fear
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
