I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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