3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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