You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
