Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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