Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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