Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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