I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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