I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
