i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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