Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
