my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
