What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
