God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Never let your siblings swipe right.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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