Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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