you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
