The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
