I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
