Umm I'm too high to move.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
