if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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