Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
