I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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