I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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