hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
