WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My vagina just recognized that song.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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