i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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