Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
