Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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