My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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