just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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