Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
