I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
