apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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