I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
