i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
