I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you made out with another girl for some wings
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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