her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
