I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
