I have demons in me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
