i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
