Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
