I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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