dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
