I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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