It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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