Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
